Boy, they clean up good!

Ryan's prom. Yikes. It went really well despite some rain and their limo losing its muffler!. Ryan was named to court, which was a nice surprise. It's just a major relief when they all get home safe and sound.

Amy is home and has started working her internship at the Ross Park Zoo. She comes home full of great stories mostly involving poop. There's a penguin that need sunscreen, a bear with a bad tooth and 12 pounds of meat to lug to each tiger every day. And there's poop. She's also subbing at school now and the stories are similar!!

What Mary Jane taught me

When I went outside to get the paper this morning, it was mild and I could hear the birds chirping back and forth. There is a very slight lilac scent in the air. A deep breath, a small smile to myself and I think of Mary Jane. Mary Jane taught me many things, even outside what I learned from her illness and death. I imagine she doesn't know that and never did. Since that's a damn shame, this post is a reflection of some of what she taught me.

I think I was already inclined to observe nature and appreciate its beauty and balance but Mary Jane taught me to really stop and let that beauty be absorbed. To just stop, breathe, listen, look (see it, hear it, smell it) and embrace it in that moment. I recall a story that she was watching ants one day --just watching the ants troop along. So many of those pictures I have such as this one are because Mary Jane taught me to stop and take the time to embrace these miracles. Usually this is accompanied by the click of the camera for me. All such pictures are really her legacy.

She taught me how cool the sound of clicking of high heels on a hard surface can sound. I imagine she, like me, kind of enjoyed the message this sound sent down the hallways. Striding with the confidence and security that little noise adds to your persona. Yes, I'm coming your way and you should be ready for me. I didn't used to care about my shoes one little bit. That has definitely changed and I think she'd love my collection of shoes now--most of them make noise in the hallway!

I didn't put a label on this lesson until recently but Mary Jane taught me that "you don't know what you don't know". You don't know how you are perceived by others. You don't know that someone else's perception of you dictates their behavior toward you. Almost always you see yourself differently. Neither is 100 percent right or wrong so it's important to acknowledge that there might be information you don't have that would help answer the old "why in the world is she acting this way?" kind of question we ask ourselves.

You don't know what you don't know usually results in an AHA! moment when you learn something new. I didn't know what to expect in those last few hours of Mary Jane's life. Kathy did. Although I guess it was probably worse for her that she did know and could read the signs in ways that I could not, I do feel somewhat cheated by that lack of awareness. My AHA moment that day was weighed down by grief and confusion but did give me some tools to use especially with Mom. So I guess that was one of Mary Jane's gifts to Mom and Dad. Ugly but beautiful in a twisted way.

Like this picture. Ugly but beautiful in a twisted way (pun intended). So this is my tribute to Mary Jane today.

Matthew the Teenager

Happy Birthday Matthew! If my calculations are right, this is number 13!! Just to keep you humble, I added this picture of you and Amy just about 13 years ago. We are looking forward to seeing you guys this week on the ball field. Amy is home now so maybe we can re-create this for you in another 13 years.

Seize the Moment

I've been running a little behind in some of my favorite online activities recently partly because of the baseball game schedule, partly because we are switching to a new computer and party due to LIFE interfering with my fun.

I took this picture on one of those beautiful days we had recently as I was going into a meeting. I was struck by how pretty these looked lining the sidewalk and debated with myself about taking the picture then or after the meeting. I think to myself: I have to put my stuff down, rummage through my purse, dig out the camera (hope the battery is charged) --well, you get the idea. It doesn't sound too overwhelming but this thought process takes about 3 steps.

I decide to stop and take the picture. "Stop and smell the flowers" if you will. When I came out of the meeting, it had clouded over and it wasn't nearly so strikingly beautiful as it had been earlier. I was very pleased with myself that I took the opportunity when it presented itself.

This is a lesson I've had to learn and relearn all my life. I cannot think of an example of a time that I regretted seizing the moment and many times I have regretted NOT doing so. Why didn't I (fill in the blank) when I had the chance? Practically the only phrase I never find myself saying is Why didn't I use the bathroom when I had the chance? because I NEVER pass up that opportunity. Why is so hard to apply the same to other situations?

Pardon the philosophizing today--all brought about by pretty purple spring flowers. I've recently been reminded of a bigger truth that came to me about life and the world during Mary Jane's illness and death.

At that time, I was struck by how it seems there is great balance in the world and life. OK, I know you are rolling your eyes but stick with me. For those times that you are very happy, there are times you are equally devastated. It seems there is balance in that. Scientists tells us that climate and weather balance themselves out--where there is drought someplace on the planet there is flood for example. Cold winters are balanced by warm summers.

Ryan had his no-hitter recently which was a wonderful experience I am very happy he was able to put in his frame of reference. Now his team is struggling. Balance--on a pretty small scale I know but nevertheless.

Mary Jane's illness made me kind of angry that victims of tragedy could create something wonderful out of their tragedy. Someone would always say: "we needed to have something good come out of this" Nothing good came of Mary Jane's illness, as far as I am concerned. I am waiting for some of that to balance itself, but Aiden, Breyen, Delaney and Sophie are a darn good start putting joy back into our lives. People were extraordinarily kind and generous in very surprising ways. This brings a little more balance back into the picture.

So I guess I want you to think about taking opportunities when they present themselves (have a good time in SC, Judy) and remember that depths of devastation or difficulties are just the other end of the see saw. I'll stop now.

Well, let's just say that neither of them looks quite like this any more but the sentiment is the same. Judy and I just returned from visiting Burt and Jean in Dunkirk. We also got to see Bruce and meet his daughter Elizabeth (just turned 11). Janice was also there.

Although Jean does seem to be failing somewhat, she was also very much herself with the quick retorts and blunt comments. Her memory seems to fail her sometimes but it didn't stop us from having a great visit. Burt had just returned from garage-sailing. He is pretty much as you probably remember him. Laughing and a great story teller. He leaned over to me and commented about how much Jean misses Mom still. It was very sweet.

We didn't get much out of Bruce but he had a fun time sharing stories with us--something about breaking a finger when the Genesee beer truck tipped over onto his hand. Chris apparently told him to "lay down for a while and it will feel better". At the ER, Jean told the doctors a Genesee beer truck had tipped over onto his fingers...you can imagine how that must have gone over. Neither Judy nor I remembers this so any enlightenment would be great. Especially from Mr. Bedside Manner Chris. Anyhow, Elizabeth is Bruce through and through. She is most definitely his daughter.

Janice looks very much the same as I remember her. She laughed and kept the stories coming. She commented that she remembered Dad as being tall and was surprised to learn that he wasn't. Funny how your perceptions develop and maintain themselves for so long.

Despite Judy's graceful spill outside the store earlier in the day, we had a great weekend. We are both very happy that we made the visit. Honestly, it was a relief to see them and talk to them. Now I've had two weekends in a row--on the water (shores of Lake Erie and Atlantic Ocean)-- and with one of my sisters. Makes for a great vacation!

Janie

Of course I am thinking about Mary Jane today. This time of year is bittersweet. We revel in the blooming flowers and warmer weather as we think about Mary Jane's life. I really like this picture since it seems to me that Amanda very much resembles her mother and apparently always did! Cheers to Mary Jane.

This is what a no hitter looks like! Yahoo! I do not know what Emmy fed him that led to this today but Ryan pitched a full game no hitter--9 Ks and one walk (who got caught stealing second on a throw from the mound). No other runners on base for the entire game. It was a GREAT game and we are just so happy for him! Yes, I am bragging. And still wiping the tears away.