Memorial Day tribute

I wanted to find a way to honor some of the "lost souls" in our family tree and Memorial Day provides an opportunity to do so for John J. Bentley. This John Bentley is a grandson to our Captain John Bentley.  He was a lifelong resident of Gloucester and worked as an attendance supervisor for the school district before he leaped off the A. Piatt Andrew Bridge into the Annisquam River on September afternoon very shortly after school began for the year. This newspaper article tells the story, though I read elsewhere that John was "never right" after he returned from serving during World War I.  He was 58.

Not only did John serve during World War I when he was in his early 20s, but he also registered for the World War II draft at the age of 47.  Servicemen and women cannot help but be affected by their military experience and John may have been driven to suicide as a result.  In light of the recent news coverage about head trauma for current soldiers and their difficulties upon return to society after active duty, I find this story a compelling link in the chain of history repeating itself.  Memorial Day serves as a reminder of this.

If you get nothing else out of this blog ever, please remember that Memorial Day is May 30 every year.  It's great to celebrate a long weekend but sometimes May 30 gets lost and I find this very sad.  Here's a 4 minute tribute featuring another Bentley (so far not related!):

Dennison Road revisited

This picture was apparently developed in May 1964 so even though you guys seem to be wearing your winter gear, I claim it for this May post.  I love this picture.  Chris missing teeth, Paula with candy cigarettes and I remember that red winter coat with the knit top piece.  I am not sure what Kathy is holding there.

I thought I'd share some more Dennison Road memories.  That gutter behind you there near the bush is where the hornets nest was that Dad disturbed and Paula got stung by her eye.  That's the window to Chris' room.  I grew my 4H gourd garden right there by the iron fence.  That was a great place to grow up for the outside play opportunities.  Not so much on the inside except I always found the front porch to be isolated enough to find some peace now and again. 

There were those nice bushes in the front by the window that I loved so much I tried to grow one here.  I remember the Dennison Road bushes as having fairly sturdy branches and lots of pretty white flowers.  Mine here isn't nearly as robust.  We had that good size yard AND a huge field -- not to mention the woods.  I remember we set up a "jail" in the front woods down a little embankment in there.  Can't remember why we needed a jail.  I do remember Benny regularly escaping into the woods.

Sometime Benny would be tied to that iron fencing on the patio so there'd be a fair share of poop to welcome visitors.  There was a wooden plank to walk up--not sure why that was there unless it had to do with poop.  Or tripping on the cement and breaking milk bottles.  I can remember the milk delivery!

 Maybe the infamous red bike was new in 1964.  I think this is the Dennison Road lawn though I don't remember sidewalk right there.  Looks like Paula (in a dress) on the tricycle in the driveway back there.  We did love riding those bikes around and around.

Here's an angle that shows the front lawn on Dennison Road--and coincidentally shows off my usual flair for style.  I didn't remember that garage door being red.

Another view of the property:

THE BLUE DRESS

I think this is right before the Toronto trip they took.  Shirley stayed with us part of the time and we took that epic hike up the creek to her house. 

I hope you enjoyed this little trip down Dennison Road!

Mother's Day 2012

Cheers to Moms today.  It pales in comparison to the sacrifices made by Moms each and every day for eternity, but it's what we are left with.  Cheers. 

1965

Looky here.  Mom's looking so slim and trip and properly upright.  Nanny looks a tad more relaxed but not by much.  Paula and Kathy are enduring the picture taking ritual.  I love that Paula and Mom have hats on for one side of the picture but Nanny and Kathy don't for the other. 

Summer 1959

I picked this one because Mom is smiling and looking pretty relaxed.  Then I got thinking.  I got thinking about how I could not sit like that with my legs out to the side for very long--never mind holding up a squirming baby.  And smiling.  Then I did some math and realized that Mom is probably pregnant with Paula in this picture.  So, she's smiling, relaxed, in a yoga pose only a master could appreciate holding an infant upright.  I'm eating animal crackers and Chris is unhappy.  Probably about the sand up his bum.  

More math:  at the time Mom and Dad celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary in 1960, Mom had 4 children.  She had been pregnant 3.5 years out the the previous 5.  Her body had only 18 months rest over that entire period.  It was accepted and expected practice in those days, but YIKES!  So definite cheers to Mom.

I still miss her.  Sometimes I forget for a brief time that she's gone and it feels like she's still there for me.  Just fleeting moments, but even almost 10 years later sometimes it's like she's still here.  I think she did a great job with us.  It isn't like children are raised today but something must have worked as I am proud of all of us for our accomplishments and place in life.  We share that commonality despite the differences in our current lives.  I hope the same for my children.  Cheers!

May 9 1996

I think I can do this now.  It's been all these years and still the day dawns with nostalgia and tears.  I am going to share some of the thoughts I wrote in my journal during the Spring of 1996 and following.  This is your warning.  If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. 

Monday July 29 1996  All this time gone by-I guess that's all there is--time to go on by.

I think I'm beginning to feel the real loss.  I think I feel like she's really gone.  Things-memories like video clips - pop into my head often, especially when I am driving. 

Often, I see a replay of the last moments-snippets of those last hours.  I don't ever want them to fade-but some of the details are losing the sharp focus. 

Some thoughts:  The hospital--that room had become my whole world.  When we left that early morning, in the rain, it felt like the world was too big to cope with.

I took a "day off" from the hosipital and went to work on Wednesday May 8.  It felt great to be out of that place.  It did me a world of good.  In my ignorance of the immediacy of her illness, I felt nearly giddy.  It was kind of odd.

That constant struggle to allow Mary Jane's wishes to be followed.  Almost all the responsibility fell to Paula and I.  We could be there 24 hours a day--and we were.  We had to be.  Not only (for me) because we felt our need to be there but also because the medial staff kept trying to treat her.  I actually had an argument with a doctor to get her more pain medication.  Paula was with Mary Jane trying to comfort her (an impossible task) and I'm out in the hall with the doctors--maybe because a crisis came to a head in the weekend and they weren't aware...I finally refused to speak with him any further until she got more medication. 

I went back into the room and Mary Jane asked why my neck was red.  I admitted I'd fought with the doctor.  She was proud of me. 

A different entry:   Kathy came home.  It was kind of a relief to have someone else who could take up some of the slack.  We were with Mary Jane at the end.  That night we went out for some Chinese while Chris and Tina stayed.  Mary Jane threw them out of the room.  She was getting goofier and goofier.  Now I realize how much the lack of oxygen affected her.

I feel like I should have known how close it was.  There were lots of signs--I just didn't read them.  Her chart disappeared.  The nurses' visits were more frequent and concentrated.  Her breathing deteriorated.  Her eyes were open.  Kathy was immediately aware the awful noise had stopped. 

It seemed immediately the nurse came in.  I must have been aware of it because I heard her say "I think she's gone.".  I bolted upright and my head whipped from Mary Jane to Kathy. 

I began to pace.  The doctor on duty--a young guy--pronounced her, I guess.  I remember he glanced at the clock.  Kathy said her life would never be the same.  Kathy shuffled us out of the room pretty quickly.  I had trouble with my shoes.

I remember Mom saying "No news is so bad it can't wait til morning" which made sense until then.  What I realize is that it isn't so much that the other person needs to know, but that you need to share the news so you aren't alone in the horror of it. 

And it's in that spirit that I share this.  Love you Janie. 

To Loyal Blog Fans

I haven't abandoned the blog--I know it's been a little while since I've posted. Our computer is "having issues" so my normal links, pics, and files aren't available to me as easily and I don't feel I can post without some visual effects. Hopefully by this weekend we'll be back up and running so we can catch up on blogging. It truly amazes me how dependent I've become on the technology--may or may not be a good thing, but time will tell I guess. See you back here soon!