What Mary Jane taught me

When I went outside to get the paper this morning, it was mild and I could hear the birds chirping back and forth. There is a very slight lilac scent in the air. A deep breath, a small smile to myself and I think of Mary Jane. Mary Jane taught me many things, even outside what I learned from her illness and death. I imagine she doesn't know that and never did. Since that's a damn shame, this post is a reflection of some of what she taught me.

I think I was already inclined to observe nature and appreciate its beauty and balance but Mary Jane taught me to really stop and let that beauty be absorbed. To just stop, breathe, listen, look (see it, hear it, smell it) and embrace it in that moment. I recall a story that she was watching ants one day --just watching the ants troop along. So many of those pictures I have such as this one are because Mary Jane taught me to stop and take the time to embrace these miracles. Usually this is accompanied by the click of the camera for me. All such pictures are really her legacy.

She taught me how cool the sound of clicking of high heels on a hard surface can sound. I imagine she, like me, kind of enjoyed the message this sound sent down the hallways. Striding with the confidence and security that little noise adds to your persona. Yes, I'm coming your way and you should be ready for me. I didn't used to care about my shoes one little bit. That has definitely changed and I think she'd love my collection of shoes now--most of them make noise in the hallway!

I didn't put a label on this lesson until recently but Mary Jane taught me that "you don't know what you don't know". You don't know how you are perceived by others. You don't know that someone else's perception of you dictates their behavior toward you. Almost always you see yourself differently. Neither is 100 percent right or wrong so it's important to acknowledge that there might be information you don't have that would help answer the old "why in the world is she acting this way?" kind of question we ask ourselves.

You don't know what you don't know usually results in an AHA! moment when you learn something new. I didn't know what to expect in those last few hours of Mary Jane's life. Kathy did. Although I guess it was probably worse for her that she did know and could read the signs in ways that I could not, I do feel somewhat cheated by that lack of awareness. My AHA moment that day was weighed down by grief and confusion but did give me some tools to use especially with Mom. So I guess that was one of Mary Jane's gifts to Mom and Dad. Ugly but beautiful in a twisted way.

Like this picture. Ugly but beautiful in a twisted way (pun intended). So this is my tribute to Mary Jane today.